There has been a flood of conversation about black people and our apparent ineptness in romantic relationships and marriage. There are countless articles, books, plays by cross dressers, movies by cross dressers, news specials, blogs and radio shows about the same. A cacophony of single ladies is usually featured around a self described expert on black love and relationships. Despite all the cross-country book tours, photoshopped e-harmony photos, and revolutionary but gangsta man-bashing, none of it has seemed to solve the problem.
Meanwhile a whole bunch of people are making money off of our collective misery.
Nope. Don’t look at me. I don’t have an answer either. All I do know is that all of these so-called conversations are devoid of love.
None of it feels right. The talk is full of bitterness, anxiety, bizarre expectations, materialism and superficial status chasing.
Let’s be honest here.
Nope. Don’t look at me. I don’t have an answer either. All I do know is that all of these so-called conversations are devoid of love.
None of it feels right. The talk is full of bitterness, anxiety, bizarre expectations, materialism and superficial status chasing.
Let’s be honest here.
Are we chasing after love – or something else?
Far too many of us have never bore witness to love in our own families, let alone in our individual lives, so how can we chase after something that we wouldn’t even recognize?
I rarely get personal in my pieces, but if what I experience in my life qualifies as love, then it is a beautiful messy thing. It’s a drink that releases inhibitions and makes you warm on the inside. Drink too much, or too quickly and you suddenly find yourself on your ass and sick to your stomach. The whole world spins around you while you pour out your insides vowing to never do this again.
But of course you will.
Over time you learn your tolerance and find out what you enjoy most. Can we get it now? Can we accept that it’s okay to sip the love potion? Will we understand that it all starts out with acknowledgement?
To borrow a theme from James Cameron’s Avatar, we have to see each other. A Love Supreme is found in our acceptance of ourselves and others for who we are at our core rather than the adornments that have more to do with flesh than spirit.
I rarely get personal in my pieces, but if what I experience in my life qualifies as love, then it is a beautiful messy thing. It’s a drink that releases inhibitions and makes you warm on the inside. Drink too much, or too quickly and you suddenly find yourself on your ass and sick to your stomach. The whole world spins around you while you pour out your insides vowing to never do this again.
But of course you will.
Over time you learn your tolerance and find out what you enjoy most. Can we get it now? Can we accept that it’s okay to sip the love potion? Will we understand that it all starts out with acknowledgement?
To borrow a theme from James Cameron’s Avatar, we have to see each other. A Love Supreme is found in our acceptance of ourselves and others for who we are at our core rather than the adornments that have more to do with flesh than spirit.
I see you. I see the hurt. I see the need for companionship. I see the desire for trust. I see you wanting to be swept off of your feet that have grown calloused and indifferent. I see you wanting to be trusted. I see you wanting to be understood and accepted. I see you hoping to someday be given the benefit of the doubt. I see you wanting someone to be on your team for once. I see you wanting to be selfishly and reciprocally in love. I see you wanting to give love to someone who is willing to receive it. I see all of you.
And I'm sure there are others that see that too. But I also see that love requires vulnerability and hope. It requires acknowledging that none of us are without scars. None of us are without memories we sometimes say we would rather forget. Certainly, I am no different. Love can be bittersweet - but to experience it with others must make it all the more worthwhile.
Thank you John Coltrane. Ashe’
this post is every. single. thing.
ReplyDeleteI assure you that this is not a problem that black america faces alone; it is far more ubiquitous than that and it has a name: fear. People who can't find the idealistic love that they have been told (explicitly or implicitly) exists fear the pain of imperfect love. No one ever says: "hey, love is messy and sometimes it sucks." But it's absolutely true. And after all is said and done, broken hearts remind you that you are alive and you are not indestructible. And if you feel after that person leaves that they have left a hole in your heart think of it rather that they have carved out a cavity that now allows you to hold even more love from the next, better peron that comes along. Thanks for the thoughts. Keep it comin. :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this one...great writing!
ReplyDeleteAnd we really are inundated with negative "facts" about our in/ability to love. We need to become more positive role models for each other and stop consuming the negative hype...
uh, it's not a black people thing.
ReplyDeletedon't have anything more profound to say atm.
^^^
ReplyDeletei know. pt. deux is coming.
"Seeing someone" is such a interesting way to put it. I think often people jump, leap, dive just to get a glimpse of what love looks like, what it feels like, what makes it the most desirable and the most painful emotion, yet an emotion that cannot be controlled. To speak to your point about "Black Love," I think that it's more that just something that has been over analyzed in the past decade or so. I think it stems far deeper than that. As we all know (or should know), our community has constantly been chastised. And I'm not denoting other communities' trials and tribulations, but for the purpose of this post, I will speak merely about the black communities. Although our community of the 1950s and 60s attempted to instill in our hearts that "Black is beautiful" and "we are beautiful," it hasn't stuck with us. We've allowed ourselves to believe that we're not worth it. With our men believing that our black women are too strong and our women believing that our black men aren't worth a dime. We've created the lack of love that we are now questioning. Not to mention, we enable each other. We question the masculinity and "hardness" of our men, sometimes leading them to believe that the only way to demonstrate their strength is through some sort of violence. Then you have some of our women, who enable our men to cheat on us, creating a stigma that all black men aren't worth it because they all cheat. Yet, I know there are women on opposite lines fighting for the same cheating son-of a B. Why? Why would you even consider being with a man who treats your sister that way? When did we forget the idea of karma and what goes around comes around?
ReplyDeleteIn my eyes, this all stems from enabling our society's dysfunctional treatment of our jobs, education, and households. It produces a thought of our community; that we as a whole are not good enough. And that's BS. We are better than that and we are better than this. We need to take a step back and remember how long our grandparents and communities fought for our freedom and our rights. How they bled everyday in order for us to be viewed as equals and as beautiful. Black is beautiful and we are Lovable. Once we really remember, we can start to love one another.
Because before we ask why we have lost the idea of love we must demonstrate that we have a clear grasp of what love really means.
Runako, this indeed was a poignant and deep thought you raise here about love.. many people claim to seek but have never seen before; thus don't know or recognize it when they see or have it or are neglecting it out ignorance. Love is... A balance things perceived or labeled bad and those we applaud enjoy and label good. The a blog is dope and made me think.
ReplyDeletePeace and Keep up the good work
thanks for the conversation, Runako
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Love is still strong in the community but it does need a swift kick sometimes to bring us back to where we belong. Don't believe the hype that we are in such a dysfunctional state that we are running after people who despise us for who we are yet enjoy the sexualized and sinsiter image that has been perpetuated about us. Keep y'all heads up.
ReplyDelete